Okay, here it is - A Good Tip.
This is a story of a cab ride I took in Fiji.
(the same trip that I was rushed by a Hammerhead shark while diving at 70 feet,
Fiji has some of the most stunning coral reefs and sea life in the world)
Fiji, in recent days, was known as the notorious 'Cannibal Isles' - yup, that means they would eat your human flesh. I flew into Nadi on Viti Levu (there are over 300 islands in the Fiji group) to meet up with an Aussie friend of mine, Tommy Sanchez (who rowed for Australia in the Spain Summer Olympics). After meeting at the airport we got into a small, green cab, with an East Indian cabbie. For years the conflicts in Fiji have arisen between the native Fijians and the 50/50 Indian population.
Cumar the driver was always turning around, asking for a, ‘Tip, tip sir!’
(notice I did use a question mark, because it was much more a statement of direction, to me, the tourista)
'Hey Cumar (it is always best to get a strangers name, before you give them any money, eh!)… crazy-guy you want a tip, then no crashie, NO crash, okay ?’ “Yes, tip !” (still turning around to look at me in his back seat, with his wildly dark eyes, as if he said it enough, I would obediently succumb to his Pavlovian power of suggestion)
‘Okay mate, okay… keep your eyes on the road - you want a tip ? then NO crash... keep your eye on the ball, don’t eat yellow snow, don’t talk to strangers, don’t keep a lady waiting, don’t fry bacon with your shirt off, and never poke a sleeping grizzly.’
I was rather proud of myself, for that spontaneous machine-gun diatribe.
Then driving faster and in even more of a frenzy, Cumar persisted, “Sir, tip, tip ?!”
I couldn't resist the euphoric irony of it all... ‘Okay Cumar you asked for it… never buy shoes too small, always hug your children, keep your wallet in your front pocket, don’t eat any unknown wild plants, don’t drink and fly, never, never give up on your dreams, and always respect your grandmother.’
That was it, we had finally arrived at our destination. Our engagement was over.
Did I tip ‘im, ole Cumar ?... yup – even after the most harrowing cab drive of my life up until then, but hey there was 'no crash', so a deal's a deal, yup, sure did.